Soap is not a condiment
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
