please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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