Banned from zoo.
Again?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
