i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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