she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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