Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
