You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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