Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
