Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
