Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
