Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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