its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
