i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
