nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
