I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
