We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
