I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
