This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
