I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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