Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
