I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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