I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
