i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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