you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize