I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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