somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
