She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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