btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
