I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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