I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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