so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
