So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
