just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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