shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My life is pants optional.
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