Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
