Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
