I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
