Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
