What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
