He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
