the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
