You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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