the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
