Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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