I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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