Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
