The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
