I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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