im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
