He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
