I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
