the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
