Who wears a wallet chain?!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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