I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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