I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
