don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
