why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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