Too much gin, very little bucket
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
