Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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