a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
