Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
