i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
