Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
