where am i from again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
