Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
