i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
