Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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