I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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