Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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