Whod you bang
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.