I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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