Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick

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  (757): apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick http://tfl.nu/awtp
  Replies (16) Good night (3021) Bad night (776)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.

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  (419): I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief. http://tfl.nu/du8g
  Replies (17) Good night (1077) Bad night (3431)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book

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  (813): Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book http://tfl.nu/eyxq
  Replies (12) Good night (2919) Bad night (778)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina

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  (518): i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina http://tfl.nu/y9lz
  Replies (104) Good night (12557) Bad night (974)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  drunk me is so punny.

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  (803): so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life. (843): drunk me is so punny. http://tfl.nu/qdzv
  Replies (19) Good night (8964) Bad night (1195)
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  (415): View more from California

  MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?

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  (415): MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone? http://tfl.nu/5bs9
  Replies (14) Good night (844) Bad night (3100)
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  (949): View more from California

  I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

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  (949): I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/uflu
  Replies (4) Good night (3272) Bad night (1184)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!

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  (+44): he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?! http://tfl.nu/a2n2
  Replies (19) Good night (4780) Bad night (846)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.

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  (902): Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst. http://tfl.nu/a5qa
  Replies (3) Good night (2245) Bad night (718)
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  (310): View more from California

  Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets

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  (310): Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets http://tfl.nu/hmgm
  Replies (3) Good night (1865) Bad night (554)
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  (310): View more from California

  This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?

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  (310): This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married? http://tfl.nu/80xb
  Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (575)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.

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  (781): THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD. http://tfl.nu/meda
  Replies (6) Good night (794) Bad night (429)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.

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  (316): I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger. http://tfl.nu/dz7z
  Replies (1) Good night (510) Bad night (315)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.

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  (231): Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job. http://tfl.nu/1zis
  Replies (3) Good night (614) Bad night (186)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor

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  (636): Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/1h6i
  Replies (0) Good night (138) Bad night (270)

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