There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.