this boner is exhausting
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar