it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
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Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
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Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.