okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.