no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dick very happy bro