Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck