Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox

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  (248): Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox http://tfl.nu/m5tb
  Replies (7) Good night (2003) Bad night (1157)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.

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  (203): I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do. http://tfl.nu/muw0
  Replies (16) Good night (3277) Bad night (832)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends

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  (908): I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends http://tfl.nu/6cx1
  Replies (68) Good night (1410) Bad night (6480)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog

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  (908): you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog http://tfl.nu/njtd
  Replies (6) Good night (1332) Bad night (3073)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all

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  (618): Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all http://tfl.nu/t0uz
  Replies (11) Good night (3215) Bad night (860)
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  (845): View more from New York

  That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...

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  (845): That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot... http://tfl.nu/l2p1
  Replies (3) Good night (2222) Bad night (760)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.

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  (972): I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy. http://tfl.nu/nung
  Replies (14) Good night (2325) Bad night (582)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.

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  (352): But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus. http://tfl.nu/k1xi
  Replies (3) Good night (1131) Bad night (493)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide

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  (570): You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide http://tfl.nu/eycj
  Replies (0) Good night (726) Bad night (770)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I could run a drunk marathon in heels

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  (425): I could run a drunk marathon in heels http://tfl.nu/oxgs
  Replies (3) Good night (534) Bad night (273)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house

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  (214): Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house http://tfl.nu/mqs8
  Replies (3) Good night (585) Bad night (335)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.

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  (773): him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy. http://tfl.nu/ci3s
  Replies (4) Good night (664) Bad night (339)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.

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  (865): I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved. http://tfl.nu/vcfc
  Replies (1) Good night (496) Bad night (291)
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  (+66): View more from Thailand

  The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"

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  (+66): The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?" http://tfl.nu/bzhn
  Replies (0) Good night (568) Bad night (363)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox

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  (781): You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox http://tfl.nu/8bo8
  Replies (2) Good night (626) Bad night (223)

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