He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.