Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
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On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.