I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.