Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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