On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
