I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
